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Five Reasons I Do Not Want to Write About ADHD

Gray Miller
5 min readJan 18, 2023

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There are only two things you need to know about me to frame what I’m about to tell you:

First, I’m fifty-three years old.

Second, according to my therapists, I almost certainly have been living with untreated ADHD for as long as I can remember.

I write a lot about my own life. My most successful article is literally about my own experience aging. It would make sense to think that this reframing of my life through an ADHD lens would be a fertile field of ideas, stories, thoughts, and essays.

In workshop after workshop I’ve struggled to figure out what the over-arching theme of my writing is — and it may be that the hidden theme all along was “Gray Is Trying to Compensate for Untreated ADHD.

Instead of being excited about this new rich source of content, thought, I find myself incredibly reluctant to write about it. And when I say reluctant, I mean: I wrote the first draft of this article two weeks ago. I created the cover image last week. “Post the $#@% article” has been on my to-do list for the last five days. But it’s still hard to click the “publish” button.

Here’s why.

1. I’m ashamed.

I have written well over a thousand articles about personal development. I’ve explored meditation, journaling, sketchnoting, relationships, communication, all within a self-reflective context.

I’ve literally taught this stuff.

And even though some of my dearest friends have had ADHD for decades, I missed it in myself. I thought I understood it, but it never occurred to me that I might have it.

My personal development writer card should be revoked. What business do I have writing about anything, if I didn’t see this?

2. I’m angry.

Why didn’t anyone else notice this?

This anger is primarily directed at myself, as noted above. But there are very clear things from my earliest school records that point towards ADHD (“He seems to suffer from diarrhea of the mouth,” was a particularly gruesome term my first-grade teacher used to describe my inability to stop talking about things that interested me).

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Gray Miller

Gray is a former Marine dancer grandpa visualist who writes to help adults figure out what they want to be when they grow up.