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Four Ways “Romance” Tramples Consent
Some things portrayed as “love” are really, really not.
I was not expecting to see familiar things when I attended the volunteer training for the sexual violence help line.
I used to teach a lot about relationships, dating, and consent, all over North America. I even helped create a curriculum for responding to consent incidents in constructive ways — but that was years ago. Surely those lessons have been learned, and the current dating scene (which I’m not part of) has moved beyond it?
Turns out, not so much. The same issues pop up, usually (but not always) with men being the ones who don’t understand the harm their actions are doing.
The following four points come from a single slide the Dane County RCC’s “Safer Bar” program, which tries to develop better consent practices in the club scene. The commentary after each is my own.
1. If someone looks shut-down and miserable, they are not “playing hard-to-get.”
In the movies and stories, the Manic Pixie Dream Partner finds the Sad and Depressed Partner and through relentless jokes and ridiculous actions draws them out of their dark place into the light of love and joy and happily ever after.
