I was told by well-meaning relatives that I should never get tattoos, that they would keep me from jobs, make people not want to date me, even that it was a sin. And that was as a man, and a former Marine no less! None of that turned out to be true; I found that my “temple of a body” was going to change anyway, and enjoyed that at least with tattoos I got to choose how it changed.

My partner, a woman, also has ink — including a recent addition to her forearm, a lovely deadly-nightshade/blue mockingbird piece (done by a woman). What we’ve noticed is that no one has EVER grabbed my forearm to look more closely at the labyrinth there, but for some reason people feel entitled to grab her wrist and pull the design closer. This weird invasion of physical space is very jarring, and I believe that for every step forward — people very much admire and support her choice — there’s a reminder of how far we have yet to go. People (mostly women, she says) still feel entitled to just reach out and take a part of her body to look at, without asking.

It’s not that we think they’re malicious; it’s the weird dichotomy of my ink/arm and hers, and the way people treat them.

Thanks for this article, and for sharing the bravery to express yourself through body autonomy and art.