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Three Ways People Close to Me Reacted When I Told Them I Was Polyamorous
And what I learned from each experience.
Content warning: I’m going to unashamedly talk about being polyamorous in this article.
I’m fortunate; I’m of an age and circumstance where I don’t actually have to care about anyone’s opinions of my polyamorous relationships. No one’s going to challenge me for custody of my kids, my job isn’t going to fire me, there’s no excommunication from Zen Buddhism for it.
For many years, though, I did have to hide it from most of my extended connections — family, friends, and coworkers. So did my then-wife and my girlfriend at the time. I don’t think it was anywhere near as bad as being in the closet as gay or trans, but it was uncomfortable.
For those who may not be familiar with the term, polyamory refers to people (like me) having more than one romantic relationship at the same time with the full knowledge and support of everyone involved.
There were a few times — particularly about the time that I was going to get married — that I felt the need to “come clean” to people important to me about the nature of my relationship with the woman who was about to become my wife and the other woman who was my girlfriend, both of whom also had boyfriends (who weren’t me).
